Friday, April 9, 2010

My reflection

I was reading a post that Olivia at But You Have Such a Pretty Face made yesterday, and it got me thinking. It's about positive self affirmation and she talks about how she looks at herself in the mirror and tells herself positive things. I thought, "Hmm, I need to do that."

But because I am too lazy to stand in front of the mirror long enough to appreciate all the good things about me, I took a picture so I could upload it on my computer and stare at it there.

And yes, I am brave enough to post it here for you all to see. (I know you're like, super excited.)

I'm sorry for the fact that its so dark, but when I tried to take it with the flash, there was just a big huge light in the middle of the mirror. You can click to enlarge. If you dare.

And yes, my bathroom (and kitchen for that matter) is bright turquoise. That's what happens when you buy your first house at 26 and you get to make your own decorating decisions. And then after about a year of looking at it everyday, you think you maybe should have chosen something a little less bright.

Back to the point of my ramblings, I took the photo, uploaded it, and stared at it for a good five minutes.

And every thought I had was about the physical. Obviously, (feel free to roll your eyes) I have great hair. Its long and thick and after years of the most tragic dye jobs you've ever seen, back to its natural color. My eyes are okay. Lips are okay, too. My nose is too big.

When I think about how I feel about this reflection, I just think "fine". I feel fine about it. Not overly excited, but not dissatisfied with it. I just see me.

Granted, this is not a full body shot, and if it had been, it would have been a totally different story. I rarely feel fine when I look at my body. But I feel better than I used to. And sometimes I do look at the way I look in a certain dress or whatever, and I have a hard time believing that I look okay. Not overly fat. Not gross. Just okay.

I look forward to the day when I can look at my entire self in a mirror and the words fine, okay, average, regular, don't cross my mind. Instead they will be replaced by much more positive words.

But I figured out that I don't need to look in a mirror and tell myself the most important things: That I'm a good person, who passionately loves her family & friends, tries to be compassionate towards others, has a few things that she's good at, and truly knows what is most important in life.

I know all those things without looking in a mirror. Which I guess is a pretty strong arguement for the fact that looks shouldn't matter. That the worth of someone is not, or should not be, based on how they look. I know that. I've always known that. But it doesn't change the fact that I want to look hot in my bridesmaids dress.

I believe in self affirmation. But I don't necessarily need it. Because I know the most important things about me. I truly believe them and don't question them at all.

In fact, about the only thing I do question about myself is that damn reflection. But I'm questioning it less and less these days. And when I'm exercising daily and eating healthy, I rarely question it. I know that its not the most important thing about me. It doesn't make me who I am. The things that do cannot be seen in a mirror.

And that's my philosophical, emotionally charged, lovey dovey post for like, the decade.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

P.S. This makes four days in a row of blogging. I think I am finally catching the bug!!!

1 comment:

  1. I'm right there with you, honey - as I was reading you're post, I was thinking - wow, it sounds like something I would have written.

    I know what you mean - I know I'm a good poerson, but now I want to look great and feel great about my body.

    We'll get there - don't you worry. We're on our way :)