Yeah, I seem to have let go of that blogging bug I caught....just a quick update:
The good: I've lost 7 lbs. in the past 2 weeks
The bad: I haven't been on the treadmill once in said past 2 weeks
The ugly: My sister's wedding is in 6 weeks.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
My reflection
I was reading a post that Olivia at But You Have Such a Pretty Face made yesterday, and it got me thinking. It's about positive self affirmation and she talks about how she looks at herself in the mirror and tells herself positive things. I thought, "Hmm, I need to do that."
But because I am too lazy to stand in front of the mirror long enough to appreciate all the good things about me, I took a picture so I could upload it on my computer and stare at it there.
And yes, I am brave enough to post it here for you all to see. (I know you're like, super excited.)
I'm sorry for the fact that its so dark, but when I tried to take it with the flash, there was just a big huge light in the middle of the mirror. You can click to enlarge. If you dare.
And yes, my bathroom (and kitchen for that matter) is bright turquoise. That's what happens when you buy your first house at 26 and you get to make your own decorating decisions. And then after about a year of looking at it everyday, you think you maybe should have chosen something a little less bright.
Back to the point of my ramblings, I took the photo, uploaded it, and stared at it for a good five minutes.
And every thought I had was about the physical. Obviously, (feel free to roll your eyes) I have great hair. Its long and thick and after years of the most tragic dye jobs you've ever seen, back to its natural color. My eyes are okay. Lips are okay, too. My nose is too big.
When I think about how I feel about this reflection, I just think "fine". I feel fine about it. Not overly excited, but not dissatisfied with it. I just see me.
Granted, this is not a full body shot, and if it had been, it would have been a totally different story. I rarely feel fine when I look at my body. But I feel better than I used to. And sometimes I do look at the way I look in a certain dress or whatever, and I have a hard time believing that I look okay. Not overly fat. Not gross. Just okay.
I look forward to the day when I can look at my entire self in a mirror and the words fine, okay, average, regular, don't cross my mind. Instead they will be replaced by much more positive words.
But I figured out that I don't need to look in a mirror and tell myself the most important things: That I'm a good person, who passionately loves her family & friends, tries to be compassionate towards others, has a few things that she's good at, and truly knows what is most important in life.
I know all those things without looking in a mirror. Which I guess is a pretty strong arguement for the fact that looks shouldn't matter. That the worth of someone is not, or should not be, based on how they look. I know that. I've always known that. But it doesn't change the fact that I want to look hot in my bridesmaids dress.
I believe in self affirmation. But I don't necessarily need it. Because I know the most important things about me. I truly believe them and don't question them at all.
In fact, about the only thing I do question about myself is that damn reflection. But I'm questioning it less and less these days. And when I'm exercising daily and eating healthy, I rarely question it. I know that its not the most important thing about me. It doesn't make me who I am. The things that do cannot be seen in a mirror.
And that's my philosophical, emotionally charged, lovey dovey post for like, the decade.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
P.S. This makes four days in a row of blogging. I think I am finally catching the bug!!!
But because I am too lazy to stand in front of the mirror long enough to appreciate all the good things about me, I took a picture so I could upload it on my computer and stare at it there.
And yes, I am brave enough to post it here for you all to see. (I know you're like, super excited.)
I'm sorry for the fact that its so dark, but when I tried to take it with the flash, there was just a big huge light in the middle of the mirror. You can click to enlarge. If you dare.
And yes, my bathroom (and kitchen for that matter) is bright turquoise. That's what happens when you buy your first house at 26 and you get to make your own decorating decisions. And then after about a year of looking at it everyday, you think you maybe should have chosen something a little less bright.
Back to the point of my ramblings, I took the photo, uploaded it, and stared at it for a good five minutes.
And every thought I had was about the physical. Obviously, (feel free to roll your eyes) I have great hair. Its long and thick and after years of the most tragic dye jobs you've ever seen, back to its natural color. My eyes are okay. Lips are okay, too. My nose is too big.
When I think about how I feel about this reflection, I just think "fine". I feel fine about it. Not overly excited, but not dissatisfied with it. I just see me.
Granted, this is not a full body shot, and if it had been, it would have been a totally different story. I rarely feel fine when I look at my body. But I feel better than I used to. And sometimes I do look at the way I look in a certain dress or whatever, and I have a hard time believing that I look okay. Not overly fat. Not gross. Just okay.
I look forward to the day when I can look at my entire self in a mirror and the words fine, okay, average, regular, don't cross my mind. Instead they will be replaced by much more positive words.
But I figured out that I don't need to look in a mirror and tell myself the most important things: That I'm a good person, who passionately loves her family & friends, tries to be compassionate towards others, has a few things that she's good at, and truly knows what is most important in life.
I know all those things without looking in a mirror. Which I guess is a pretty strong arguement for the fact that looks shouldn't matter. That the worth of someone is not, or should not be, based on how they look. I know that. I've always known that. But it doesn't change the fact that I want to look hot in my bridesmaids dress.
I believe in self affirmation. But I don't necessarily need it. Because I know the most important things about me. I truly believe them and don't question them at all.
In fact, about the only thing I do question about myself is that damn reflection. But I'm questioning it less and less these days. And when I'm exercising daily and eating healthy, I rarely question it. I know that its not the most important thing about me. It doesn't make me who I am. The things that do cannot be seen in a mirror.
And that's my philosophical, emotionally charged, lovey dovey post for like, the decade.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
P.S. This makes four days in a row of blogging. I think I am finally catching the bug!!!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
VitaLICIOUS
Last night I had the best dessert ever and it was filling, decadent and low in calories & fat.
Check that bad boy out. It was a Vitalicious Deep Chocolate Vitatop with about a tbsp of Better'n Peanut Butter spread on top. Then I put it in the microwave for 20 seconds to melt the peanut butter, sliced five strawberries on top, and finished it off with some Reddi Whip chocolate whipped cream. The stats on it were about 190 calories (100 for the vitatop, 50 for the peanut butter, 25 for the strawberries and 15 for the whipped cream). This is normally more than I would "spend" on an after dinner dessert - usually I try to keep them around 100 calories, but yesterday was a light day otherwise, and I could afford the 190 calories.
Like I said, it was very filling and left me with the same feeling I would have if I ate a 1,000 calorie piece of chocolate cake - except there was no guilt!
I have to gush about the Vitalicious products. They are amazing. Unless you're living under a rock, you've heard of them, and if you haven't tried them, I suggest you do. They are a life saver in those moments where you want to stay on track, but need something sweet.
Also, Better'n Peanut Butter is great. It has 100 calories and 2.5 grams of fat for two tbsp. Its definitely an acquired taste, but will quench your craving for peanut butter. I've heard about their chocolate flavor, which I haven't had, but can't wait to get my hands on.
Check that bad boy out. It was a Vitalicious Deep Chocolate Vitatop with about a tbsp of Better'n Peanut Butter spread on top. Then I put it in the microwave for 20 seconds to melt the peanut butter, sliced five strawberries on top, and finished it off with some Reddi Whip chocolate whipped cream. The stats on it were about 190 calories (100 for the vitatop, 50 for the peanut butter, 25 for the strawberries and 15 for the whipped cream). This is normally more than I would "spend" on an after dinner dessert - usually I try to keep them around 100 calories, but yesterday was a light day otherwise, and I could afford the 190 calories.
Like I said, it was very filling and left me with the same feeling I would have if I ate a 1,000 calorie piece of chocolate cake - except there was no guilt!
I have to gush about the Vitalicious products. They are amazing. Unless you're living under a rock, you've heard of them, and if you haven't tried them, I suggest you do. They are a life saver in those moments where you want to stay on track, but need something sweet.
Also, Better'n Peanut Butter is great. It has 100 calories and 2.5 grams of fat for two tbsp. Its definitely an acquired taste, but will quench your craving for peanut butter. I've heard about their chocolate flavor, which I haven't had, but can't wait to get my hands on.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
HRMs
I have a dilemma. One of many in my life, but for now, I'll just concentrate on this one.
I really want to get a heart rate monitor. I have no idea how many calories I burn in my workouts, because I don't program my treadmill with my weight, etc. The fact that I am too lazy to program the machine in which I walk/run on for an hour everyday is something that should probably bother me, but doesn’t.
Anyhow, I just think a HRM would be a more accurate way to go, and I want to get as much credit for calories burned as possible. I have researched many different kinds, and even thought about getting a Nike+ because my shoes are Nikes, and have the little pouch or whatever you need.
That being said, I'm not sure if a HRM would be a healthy thing for me or not. I am, by nature, an all or nothing person. All. Or. Nothing. If I am off-plan with my eating, I am eating everything in site. If I'm on plan, I stick to 1100 calories a day and burn probably 600 a day. I am either really good or really, really bad. I realize that this is something that I need to work on, and not just say screw it for the day if I have a cheeseburger at lunch. This weight loss journey is all about moderation and a healthy approach to food. And despite a 60 lb. loss, I still don't think I have conquered that battle. I just managed to be good long enough to lose 60 lbs. I still have an unhealthy relationship with food, in that I put too much reliance on it and sometimes see food as the answer to all my problems. (Which it is so clearly NOT.)
My point to all this is that I am scared the HRM will make me crazy. Part of me thinks that I should stick to what I know works - working out for an hour a day, and keeping my calories in check. I know this works for me and is a healthy way. If I stick to this, I won’t get caught up on so many of the minutia details. I don't want the HRM to cause me to become obsessed with numbers. I'm afraid that I will use it as a way to justify bad eating or a way to justify eating barely anything at all. This is the way my brain sometimes works:
"Yes, I can eat this 600 calorie cheeseburger for supper, because I burned 600 calories on the treadmill today. So it breaks even, and the rest of the day I was good, so basically this equals to a day eating on plan, without exercise."
or
"I burned 600 calories on the treadmill today, and I only consumed 1100 calories, and my BMR is 1770 calories, so my calorie net for today is 1,370, which means that I should lose EXACTLY 2.74 pounds this week."
These thoughts lead to problems if 1) I lose less than 2.74 pounds that week and I am frustrated because the numbers prove I should have lost more or 2) I lose more than 2.74 pounds and I am frustrated because the numbers prove I should have lost less, and then I get mad because the system should work the way it says its supposed to and the way the numbers add up and how in the world am I supposed to get this weight loss thing right if the freaking science behind it is not making sense????
And obviously, the first thought leads to situations in which I am justifying a cheeseburger or pizza four times a week instead of the one that I normally allow myself.
Hopefully you can see why I think it may be a problem. But the other part of me really would like to know how many calories I am burning during my workouts because I would like to be more self aware and be knowledgeable about as much as I can during this journey.
So I don't know what to do. If there's anyone that reads this, now would be a great time to de-lurk and let me know your opinions/experiences with HRMs. And if you have read this entire post, bless you. Because I am awfully neurotic.
On a happier note, I have stumbled across two more blogs that I love. The first one is Kenz over at All the Weigh. She is incredibly optimistic, motivated, and has an amazing attitude. It took me the better part of two weeks to get through her archives, but I enjoyed every minute. Plus she has really good taste in shoes.
And through Kenz, I found Man Meets Scale. David Kirchhoff is the CEO of Weight Watchers International. I really like his blog because it is in incredibly funny and interesting, but also because it is nice to know that the CEO of the company is a Weight Watcher himself who has lost weight on the system and keeps it off. It’s also incredibly refreshing to hear about weight loss from a man’s point of view. And you don't have to be a Weight Watcher to enjoy his blog. I am not one (although I am currently in the midst of a three month online membership that I may or may not have purchased during an Ambien induced online shopping spree one night), and I love it as much as the next person.
I highly recommend you check out both of these.
Have a happy Wednesday!
I really want to get a heart rate monitor. I have no idea how many calories I burn in my workouts, because I don't program my treadmill with my weight, etc. The fact that I am too lazy to program the machine in which I walk/run on for an hour everyday is something that should probably bother me, but doesn’t.
Anyhow, I just think a HRM would be a more accurate way to go, and I want to get as much credit for calories burned as possible. I have researched many different kinds, and even thought about getting a Nike+ because my shoes are Nikes, and have the little pouch or whatever you need.
That being said, I'm not sure if a HRM would be a healthy thing for me or not. I am, by nature, an all or nothing person. All. Or. Nothing. If I am off-plan with my eating, I am eating everything in site. If I'm on plan, I stick to 1100 calories a day and burn probably 600 a day. I am either really good or really, really bad. I realize that this is something that I need to work on, and not just say screw it for the day if I have a cheeseburger at lunch. This weight loss journey is all about moderation and a healthy approach to food. And despite a 60 lb. loss, I still don't think I have conquered that battle. I just managed to be good long enough to lose 60 lbs. I still have an unhealthy relationship with food, in that I put too much reliance on it and sometimes see food as the answer to all my problems. (Which it is so clearly NOT.)
My point to all this is that I am scared the HRM will make me crazy. Part of me thinks that I should stick to what I know works - working out for an hour a day, and keeping my calories in check. I know this works for me and is a healthy way. If I stick to this, I won’t get caught up on so many of the minutia details. I don't want the HRM to cause me to become obsessed with numbers. I'm afraid that I will use it as a way to justify bad eating or a way to justify eating barely anything at all. This is the way my brain sometimes works:
"Yes, I can eat this 600 calorie cheeseburger for supper, because I burned 600 calories on the treadmill today. So it breaks even, and the rest of the day I was good, so basically this equals to a day eating on plan, without exercise."
or
"I burned 600 calories on the treadmill today, and I only consumed 1100 calories, and my BMR is 1770 calories, so my calorie net for today is 1,370, which means that I should lose EXACTLY 2.74 pounds this week."
These thoughts lead to problems if 1) I lose less than 2.74 pounds that week and I am frustrated because the numbers prove I should have lost more or 2) I lose more than 2.74 pounds and I am frustrated because the numbers prove I should have lost less, and then I get mad because the system should work the way it says its supposed to and the way the numbers add up and how in the world am I supposed to get this weight loss thing right if the freaking science behind it is not making sense????
And obviously, the first thought leads to situations in which I am justifying a cheeseburger or pizza four times a week instead of the one that I normally allow myself.
Hopefully you can see why I think it may be a problem. But the other part of me really would like to know how many calories I am burning during my workouts because I would like to be more self aware and be knowledgeable about as much as I can during this journey.
So I don't know what to do. If there's anyone that reads this, now would be a great time to de-lurk and let me know your opinions/experiences with HRMs. And if you have read this entire post, bless you. Because I am awfully neurotic.
On a happier note, I have stumbled across two more blogs that I love. The first one is Kenz over at All the Weigh. She is incredibly optimistic, motivated, and has an amazing attitude. It took me the better part of two weeks to get through her archives, but I enjoyed every minute. Plus she has really good taste in shoes.
And through Kenz, I found Man Meets Scale. David Kirchhoff is the CEO of Weight Watchers International. I really like his blog because it is in incredibly funny and interesting, but also because it is nice to know that the CEO of the company is a Weight Watcher himself who has lost weight on the system and keeps it off. It’s also incredibly refreshing to hear about weight loss from a man’s point of view. And you don't have to be a Weight Watcher to enjoy his blog. I am not one (although I am currently in the midst of a three month online membership that I may or may not have purchased during an Ambien induced online shopping spree one night), and I love it as much as the next person.
I highly recommend you check out both of these.
Have a happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Just for the record
This stuff is not allowed in my house anymore. It is so good. Too good. And also good for you. However, it is not good for you to eat an entire box in about 3 days. So I can't buy it anymore. Which is a shame, because it tastes like the healthy girl's Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Bye, bye, Caramel Delight.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Hello, Biore......
This is a self portrait of Madeline and I at the egg hunt yesterday....I think its time for a pore strip.
Yikes.
I'm feeling a little crazy right now.....
because for the first time in about 10 years, I don't own a scale. Granted, up until about a year ago, I never really got on it, but I always owned it. And now I don't have one.
I officially threw my scale away because yesterday I got on and it said I gained 9 pounds. 9 pounds. In 4 days. I definitely did not have the best weekend for weight loss, but I know I did not gain 9 pounds. Like I suspected, that thing was broken.
So now I don't have one. I am planning on buying another one this weekend, and I know that there may be a little fluctuation, but I will not let it freak me out. Especially since I know the past couple of weigh-ins have not been entirely accurate.
It feels weird to know that if I wanted to get on it right now, I couldn't. Because its in my trashcan covered in yogurt right now. Where it deserves to be. Because anything that tells me I gained 9 pounds in 4 days deserves to be trashed.
I officially threw my scale away because yesterday I got on and it said I gained 9 pounds. 9 pounds. In 4 days. I definitely did not have the best weekend for weight loss, but I know I did not gain 9 pounds. Like I suspected, that thing was broken.
So now I don't have one. I am planning on buying another one this weekend, and I know that there may be a little fluctuation, but I will not let it freak me out. Especially since I know the past couple of weigh-ins have not been entirely accurate.
It feels weird to know that if I wanted to get on it right now, I couldn't. Because its in my trashcan covered in yogurt right now. Where it deserves to be. Because anything that tells me I gained 9 pounds in 4 days deserves to be trashed.
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